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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Alex. We start talking about the old days, back when we used to hang out at the old cinema on Strada 1 Mai. Man, those were the days! But then he drops the bomb: he’s moving to Bucharest. WHAT?! I’m like, “Dude, you can’t leave me here!” But he’s all about that big city life. I get it, but still… kinda bummed me out.

Notes: City unveils new volunteer initiative to keep Alexandria clean